You Are My Fire, My One Desire
by Hanna Sedai
Summary: The Batfam goes out to a bar. Dick displays his acrobatic skills. Debauchery occurs. XD.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Batman or any of the Robins.

**A/N: **This is in response to the Stripper!Dick meme going around Tumblr. I just had to do something with it. I couldn't help it. Also inspired by gabzilla's Stripper!Dick picture on DA. I'm not used to writing some of these characters, so apologies if I make them OOC. Be warned: I wrote this VERY fast and in the wee hours of the morning.

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><p>It was one of the few nights that Dick had free. Since he and Bruce took turns taking on the Batman mantle he didn't have to be Gotham's Dark Knight tonight. Tonight Dick decided to take everyone out into town, and by everyone that meant Damian, Tim (he would make sure that the two wouldn't kill each other), Steph and Cass.<p>

"You know what," Dick said, "it's great to have the whole family here."

"Yeah," Steph replied, "the only person missing is Jason."

The only person there who wasn't having a good time was, predictably, Damian. He sulked for most of the evening.

"This is a complete waste of time," Damian cut-in, "I demand that we go home at once."

"You know what your problem is, Damian?" Dick asked. "You don't know how to relax."

"Relaxation is unproductive. There are plenty of other useful things I could be doing at the moment."

As Damian spoke Dick found himself dancing to the music playing at the bar. A sudden, crazy popped into his head. He knew that it would get on Tim's nerves, but then again he liked to push Tim's button. And Damian…well…he would have something to say about it for sure.

Dick got up and leapt nimbly onto the table. Since it wasn't too late in the evening, there weren't any ladies out dancing. It was the only time of the day when minors were allowed in here anyway.

"Wait," Tim said, "what are you doing?"

"Crank up the music because I'm gonna put on a show."

Dick put one hand on the pole and began to dance suggestively around it. He loved to dance. Even if he didn't have anything to drink this was still fun. Almost at once Steph began to cheer him on while horror crossed Tim's pale face.

_"Take it all off!" _Steph called out, waving a wad of money at him.

"Oh God, Grayson," Damian said, his face stoic. "You are not even intoxicated."

Tim sat quite still in his seat, his entire face red. Although he didn't say anything it was obvious that he disapproved. Seeing his idol pole-dance wasn't how he wanted to spend his evening. Dick ran a hand through his hair and began to whip his head back-and-forth to the rhythm of the music.

"Not yet," Dick replied.

Cass sat there quietly, sipping her drink while she watched Dick dance. Steph began to dance along with the music, trying unsuccessfully to get Tim to dance too. The current Robin began to massage his temples.

"Must you do this, Grayson?" Damian asked testily. "Batman does not perform strip-teases. This is an embarrassment to everything my father's done."

"This Batman does." Dick shrugged. "I can't help it: _I'm an acrobat." _

Damian shot him a nasty glare. "Then why are you doing this, if I may be so bold to ask?"

"Why?" Dick repeated, the smile widening on his face, "I just like to make Tim feel uncomfortable."

By now Tim had his eyes covered with his hands. This contrasted starkly with Steph, who was sitting next to him and cat-calling Dick enthusiastically. Much to Tim's dismay Dick stripped off his shirt and threw it to the girls.

As Steph shouted with glee the door to the bar opened. Everyone turned to see who it was. Tim groaned when he saw who it was while Damian scoffed. Even Dick stopped gyrating his hips when he saw who it was.

"Jason, what _are you_ doing here?" Dick asked.

Jason Todd, the black sheep of the Bat family, glared at them all before answering. "Well, I went into this bar thinking that I would get a drink, but instead I find you idiots here."

"Idiots?" Dick asked, practically hugging the pole. "What would make you say that?"

"Dick, you should really stop," Tim said, turning his head away. "I don't think Bruce would—"

"Well, it appears as though Gotham's Dark Knight is doing a strip-tease," Jason replied, cutting-off Tim. "And to think that Bruce wanted me to be like you." Jason shook his head. "I was always the better Robin, unlike McWussy over here."

Jason patted Tim on the back, causing Tim to whimper. No one was sure what scared Tim more: Jason or Dick's debauchery.

"No killing Tim tonight," Dick said. "That goes for you too, Damian."

"I don't know you anymore, Grayson."

Jason crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at Dick. "I could do that too."

"Not as good as me, I'm sure."

As Dick continued to dance Steph put the wad of money into Dick's pants. Tim's jaw dropped in astonishment as he stared at Steph, as though hardly daring to believe that she would go so far. Steph took advantage of Tim's catatonic state by reaching over and grabbing his Titans communicator.

"Steph, what are you doing?" Tim grasped for his communicator, but to no avail. She managed to snatch it away from him.

"I'm inviting the Titans, of course. I'm sure that Rose would enjoy this."

"No!" Tim's face grew even redder. "This has already gone far enough."

Tim got up to leave, but Steph held him down, imploring Cass to help her hold him down in his seat. Try as he might, Tim couldn't squirm his way out of this. He really didn't want to be here. There were so many other things he could be doing with his time. If he had known that Dick was going to do this…

"You know," Jason said. "I'm surprised that you'll strip in a bar but not on a live webcam."

"What possessed you to strip us, Todd?" Damian asked. "I don't understand you, sometimes."

As Damian and Jason got into a heated debate over the web cam incident the Titans flooded into the bar. A wide smile cracked across Rose's face as soon as she saw Dick pole-dancing shirtless. Shocked expressions crossed the boys' faces before they began to laugh.

"He can never keep his cloths on, can he?" Beast Boy said. "This is priceless."

Beside him Raven put a hand over her face. Starfire drifted into the room. Her green eyes studied Dick with intense curiosity. An approving smile tugged at her lips. Donna walked in right behind her and stifled a giggle once she saw what Dick was doing.

"Goodness me, I should start selling tickets," she said, finally bursting into a fit of laughter. "I'm sure that this would bring in more money than that kissing booth idea I came up with."

The girls formed a circle around Dick, Steph and Rose screaming the loudest. Jason began filming Dick on his phone, snickering all the while. The music blared obnoxiously loud, causing Tim to clamp his hands over his ears. Encouraged by the growing crowd, Dick took off his pants and tossed it into the crowds, leaving him prancing about in his underwear. Disgusted with all of this, Damian stood up and shook his head.

"I am not affiliated with any of you anymore."

_"TAKE IT OFF, DICK! TAKE IT OFF!" _Rose shouted. _"GET FREAKY!" _

Before Dick could do anything the door opened. At once the noise died down as everyone turned to see who it was. An empty beer bottle clattered to the floor. Bruce Wayne's eyes widened slightly as he surveyed the scene.

Bruce stood still for a very long time. The Titans backed away as he stepped forward. For the first time that night Dick's face turned beet-red. He snatched his pants back from Rose and pulled them on hurriedly.

"I…uh…" Dick said, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's up, Bruce?"

Bruce didn't reply right away. He looked around at everyone else one last time before turning his attention back to Dick. He began to chuckle.

"I can take the kid out of the circus, but I really can't take the circus out of the kid now, can I?"

**LE FIN.**

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><p><strong>AN: **Umm…all I have to say is that I love the Batman fandom for coming up with the concept. And this is what happens when I write fanfiction in the wee hours of the morning.

Yeah…..I regret nothing.

Review the madness.


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